Not Just Another Day

You know I thought today would pass without making a difference. I didn't think today would be unlike any other day. Then I woke up this morning and checked my email as i always do. Waiting for me was a reminder from my calender that today was his birthday. It wasn't that I had forgotten it, that struck me so hard, it was just that for the first time in 4 years, I have no reason to remember it. I deleted the reminder right away. Yet it sticks in my mind. I sit here at my job and have to write the date numerous times a day, and each time I write it, it stirs something up inside me. There is someone else helping my daughter sing him happy birthday, wrapping his presents, possibly even planning a surprise party, like years past. It seems strange that this is my life now. I am not in love with him anymore, but it really doesn't make it any easier. The holidays are coming, this will be the first holiday since I can remember that I haven't been with family. Chloe is my family now, but I know I am going to miss sharing all these fun experiences Chloe has with someone. I am going to the Temple tonight, because I just have so much that I need the Lord to hear, and I feel that the only place that I can receive a clear answer is there in that Sacred place. I pray that things will come. Today isn't like any other day. It's one more day for me to remember the heartache the last 7 1/2 months of my life has been. A day that used to be a special thing for me to remember. Today is not just another day.