Not Just Another Day

You know I thought today would pass without making a difference. I didn't think today would be unlike any other day. Then I woke up this morning and checked my email as i always do. Waiting for me was a reminder from my calender that today was his birthday. It wasn't that I had forgotten it, that struck me so hard, it was just that for the first time in 4 years, I have no reason to remember it. I deleted the reminder right away. Yet it sticks in my mind. I sit here at my job and have to write the date numerous times a day, and each time I write it, it stirs something up inside me. There is someone else helping my daughter sing him happy birthday, wrapping his presents, possibly even planning a surprise party, like years past. It seems strange that this is my life now. I am not in love with him anymore, but it really doesn't make it any easier. The holidays are coming, this will be the first holiday since I can remember that I haven't been with family. Chloe is my family now, but I know I am going to miss sharing all these fun experiences Chloe has with someone. I am going to the Temple tonight, because I just have so much that I need the Lord to hear, and I feel that the only place that I can receive a clear answer is there in that Sacred place. I pray that things will come. Today isn't like any other day. It's one more day for me to remember the heartache the last 7 1/2 months of my life has been. A day that used to be a special thing for me to remember. Today is not just another day.

Baking Brownies

Well it is not as much fun as baking cookies because you don't have all the flour and sugar to make a mess, but Chloe and I made brownies. She loved it! Here are a couple pictures

Cleaning

Saturday mornings are usually reserved for cleaning up. Well nothing is different today, except getting the motivation! I only have one room done (if you don't count the piles of laundry waiting to be folded). Chloe has been more than happy to help. Sometimes too much! :) Although she was really cute this morning, because when I told her I was cleaning up my room she said she wanted to help. I asked her if should could clean her room. She said "okay". I checked on her a few minutes later and sure enough she was picking up handfuls of toys and singing "Clean Up, Clean Up, Everybody Clean Up". I LOVE HER!! Of course my video camera is dead and I don't have a charger so I couldn't get it on tape, but it was too cute. Then we took a break and watched a movie together (The Santa Clause 2), and she is getting excited for Christmas. I just finished my room and she is watching Diego, and will hopefully go down for a nap soon, so I can clean the living room and kitchen.

I got a new flash for my camera. I am excited to use it! I haven't even had time to take it out yet. I needed to get one because I am photographing a wedding next weekend and needed a better flash. I can't wait to open it up and try it out!

Well....the dishes won't clean themselves so I better go.

Chloe's halloween

I got some really fuzzy pictures of Chloe on halloween in an email from Wes. I attached the best one. It almost made me cry seeing her because I was supposed to share that with her.

New couches!

So as most of you know I work at a furniture store. Well in order for it to be worth buying furniture you have to work there for 6 months and then you can get it at cost. Well I have enough going on in my life to even think about having money for new furniture. Well as luck would have it, I ended up gettinga new sofa and loveseat for free!! A few months ago we had a customer who never finished paying there balance, well they had already had the furniture for 8 months. (Normally they can't have it until it is paid for but somehow this one slipped) So our store went and picked it back up.
Well as you can imagine one of the pieces was stained and so we were unable to resell it. So we tried to donate it to the local women's shelter. They just had to come and pick it up. Well they never came after 3 weeks, and numerous phone calls. So I got a phone call Thursday from my manager asking if I would like the set. free of charge, not even a delivery fee. It was just one more blessing.
I ended up giving my DI couch and recliner to my friends who are getting married this month. They were ecstatic! So I feel lucky and blessed to have nice furniture. I attached a picture. Now if everything else would sort itself out things would be great.....

Brothers and Sisters

So I sometimes watch on Sunday nights a show called "Brothers and Sisters". It's a great show. Yet it seems the more I watch it the more I hate it. Why? Because it seems to pick up on things I am experiencing in my own life. Or maybe I just see it that way. There is a character on there named Sarah, she was stunned at the end of last season when her husband filed for divorce, and she wasn't even expecting it. Sound familiar? Now in the episode tonight she was blown away again when her husband decided to seek primary custody of their children. And won. As most know that is a nightmare of mine. It tears me up inside thinking that someday Chloe may only be with me every other weekend. I hate that she only seems me every other week now. I know it's not good for her, but I don't have the money to change it. Stability is what she needs and she can have that with me. She went to Wes' today for the first time in a couple weeks, she's been with her grandmother M. before. I am interested to see how it goes. I will worry all night about it, except I really need the sleep so I can work a 10 hour day tomorrow. I guess that is just the life of a mom.

In other things, I guess I am just all around feeling down. I have thought things were getting better in my life financially, emotionally, spiritually and even socially, but lately I have just felt alone. It's just one thing after another. I just need to keep believing i guess.Chloe taking care of her babies.

Why Not?

So after reading my sister Trina's blog, I thought Why Not? I use facebook, but not everyone in my family or friends use that, so I can use this for those who don't. My life is always crazy right now so I figured I can keep everyone up to date on my life and Chloe's. Enjoy!